Verity Lambert, pictured here again defying standard BBC protocol by advertising the exciting adventures to be had with cigarettes on Doctor Who’s one and only live episode broadcast. The following day she was replaced as producer by a nice and safe white man with tufts of beard poking out from around his spectacles (image via the archives of The Time Vault podcast).
This week the ‘Verity' podcast did me the great honour of agreeing to promote both my illustration blog and this very blog itself, and all it took was me putting on a David Tennant-esque performance of bitter tears for them to go through with my demand. I would simply reblog the post they made which featured my sites but the stipulations of the secret FISA court order (which I am now allowed to talk about thanks to the leaks of celebrated, and condemned, whistleblower Ian Levine) say I have to stay three megabyte modems away from Tumblr users at all times, so instead, I shall try both sell my soul and the ‘Verity’ podcast itself.
‘Verity' is one of only a few thousand Doctor Who podcasts worth listening to — though perhaps not if you are one of those Doctor Who fans who posts their detailed rationale for why members of the female sex are physically and emotionally unable to portray the role of the Doctor. Or unless you are Steven Moffat (if you are Steven Moffat, I would plead that you please stop reading this, start writing IDW an email demanding that they hire me to man the Doctor Who comicbook or else you shall erase them from Doctor Who's contractual obligations). I myself tend to strongly disagree with most episodes but that may just be because of the sexism and misogyny that became deeply ingrained in every fiber of my being, like coagulated blood in a thick shag carpet, after Verity Lambert spurned my advances towards her on the poolside at the afterparty for the first 'Jonathan Creek' BFI screening.
While I do not often agree with the sentiments or opinions expressed on the podcast, except perhaps for the frequent admonishments of Americans and the country they podcast from, they do offer a rarity in the field of fandom podcasts: interesting ideas. Surprisingly, this is not one of the legion of podcasts that but endlessly rant on about the defects of the Dapol range of Doctor Who toys, the influence of ‘Harry Potter' on Timelord biotechnology, or the maniacal misogyny of Mr. Moffat. Rather, the 'Verity' podcast gives you reasoned (and at times wildly unreasoned) opinions of Doctor Who and the kind meticulous investigations into every nook and cranny that I had not experienced since my last encounter with the strange grey chap who comes to me in the night and tries to make me cum. He tells me that he does it to keep his race of devilish daemons from before the end of time alive and well lubricated; and I tell him that he reminds me of Bok from the 'The Daemons’.
If there were one criticism I could offer of the ‘Verity' podcast it would be that their latest episode ('We’ll Tumbl For Ya!’) neglected to mention any of the substantial evidence David Icke has written on his recent blog post (‘lizard fever and how to cure it. no this is not about the jews. excuse me but the queen really is a lesbian lizard person. if you could call her that even. pls buy my ebooks’) about Tumblr truly being Hell-spawn from the deepest pits of the Daemon’s testicles.
Next time: I print my interview with Ian Levine about his podcast, here’s a preview: “PLS LISTEN TO MY NORTHERN SOUL PODCAST! IF YOU PLAY THE LYRICS BACKWARDS INTO A RING MODULATOR YOU CAN FIND OUT WHERE I BURIED ALL THE DOCTOR WHO MISSING EPISODES AND THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT TO ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN WHICH I WROTE WITH KIT PEDLERS KIND PERMISSION TO USE HIS BLOOD AS INK!”.
Dr. Who is the property of a man in a shed, who claims to have three tons more of Dr. Who, and is used without his knowledge.